If I am being completely honest, there are days that I wish I could take a mulligan. I wish I could do them over. As fun and smile-y as I seem, I have quite the irritable side that only comes out to play at home. You know what I’m talking about, right? I know I’m not the only one. I’m off-set from the moment I open my eyes in the morning for absolutely no reason whatsoever. “They” like to call it “waking up on the wrong side of the bed.”
This doesn’t seem to properly describe how I feel on those days. It’s more like an alien has embedded itself onto my brain stem and is controlling all that I say and do. (Yeah, I’ve watched A LOT of sci-fi movies.) But, REAL-me is getting a front row seat to the havoc that ALIEN-me is wreaking on my family. What is that about? I can almost step outside myself and shout, “Who IS this person? Shut up! Take it back! Stop acting this way!” But I’m in too deep. “I’m sorry” would be so…so inadequate.
Resistance is futile.
Most of the time, I think it’s hormonal. I see every injustice and decide that each must be righted. I’m easily overwhelmed by the tasks of the day. The workload looming before me. Sure, it’s even worse when my husband is in a similar mood on the SAME day. But the absolute worst is when he’s HAPPY. I keep thinking, “What is he so happy about? He must be doing it on purpose. Why is he trying to get on my nerves?”
That’s usually where it starts. With my husband. Poor, unfortunate soul. He doesn’t have a chance on those days, because everything he does is going to be wrong. Then, I look at our children who may not be cooperating to the fullest extent of Mommy’s Law and I say, “YOUR kids are acting like spoiled brats today.” The transfer of blame…seamless. If they were completely MY kids, they would be perfect, right?
See how that happened? I’ll say it again, I know I’m not the only one.
God really preaches to me through all sorts of things throughout the week. He has to, because just the sermon on Sunday isn’t going to get through—not all of it. When you become a Mom, suddenly your multi-tasking ability becomes a superpower. So many things to do. Sorting lists in my head.
Did I turn off the oven?
Are the girls behaving in nursery?
Do I need to pick anything up at the grocery before I go home?
Oh great!…I think the electricity bill was due yesterday.
The rambling thoughts in a Mom’s brain would disable any ordinary human being. But, we’re moms. So, we bear our superpower with aplomb (or at least try to) and sometimes with exemplary results—except on the ALIEN-me days.
In the middle of one of those days where I was quite out of sorts with my Richie, The Man God Gave Me, I recognized it as an attack. Not an alien attack…a legitimate spiritual attack. When God punished Adam and Eve for eating of the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, He told Eve:
“…you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
when at Eve’s creation, God said:
“It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18 NKJV)
The enemy is not my husband. Not my children. The enemy is me..or the part of me that, seemingly, is too base to control. As a result of the curse that Adam and Eve have brought onto us, we live out life with this power struggle between the nature of the man and the woman. Mars versus Venus. The very endocrine system that brings us together with one kind of hormones, creates other hormones that set us against one another. We cannot possibly get along because we are too different. We can’t possibly understand one another. At least, that is what contemporary psychology would have us think. There is a plethora of self-help books on relationships. Too many.
We were created to live in harmony, but instead we live in strife. We were created to be complementary, but clash instead.
And we pass it down to our children. This deep-rooted hostility. We turn it onto our children, their children (for blended families). His children…when they aren’t acting like they ought.
Why would God call two people together as companions only to set them at odds? Sin divides us from our divine beginnings.
We are too closely attached to our feelings. [If you haven’t already, you’ve got to read Joyce Meyer’s Living Beyond Your Feelings.] We process everything through our emotions and then claim that we “felt” something spiritually. Yes, of course, God uses our emotions to reach us many times. And emotions are quite useful in the right context. When our emotions are contrary to God’s Word, they are only our natural feelings or oppression of other forces at work, not the Spirit leading us.
Women are born with almost a sixth sense. Women’s intuition is not logical at all; it’s heightened emotional and behavioral sensing. God created us thusly because of our less muscular bodies and important reproductive systems (especially at times of carrying and nursing children). This sixth sense alerts us so that we can break up camp and get our children to safety. Primal, but still useful.
Unfortunately, when we are depressed or out-of-sorts, it’s our feelings and emotions that got us where we are. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. We’re turned inside out and dare anyone to cross us. The VERY gift that God gave to us in abundance, becomes our downfall. When our male counterparts don’t understand our feelings, we become hostile. We suppress our logic and spiritual understanding.
i am not saying that women are a hot mess.
I am not saying that men are superior just because they were created first. Obviously, they were lacking somewhere because God brought us into the picture as a helpmeet — a complement. The only way amazing things can happen is when men and women work together. Popular culture would have us believe that we can do everything on our own individual abilities…without God, without anyone else (especially, the opposite sex).
No one is an island. We all need each other at some point.
When God brings two righteous people (a man and a woman) together, they can accomplish the inconceivable. If only they can put their natures, the cursed natures, aside. God created a loophole in Adam and Eve’s curse through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation:” (II Corinthians 5:17-18 NIV)
Reconciliation! THIS is the peace between men and women—the peace of everyone. God has given “anyone” the ability to minister in peace–men and women alike.
We CAN get along.
We CAN have peaceful homes.
There will always be disagreements, arguments, reasons to throw up our hands and walk out of the room. But, the fact that Christ has redeemed us so that we can coexist peacefully, even beneficially, must overcome feelings, emotions, and modern logic. [Read or freshen up on The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.]
That is not to say that lack of peace is all a woman’s fault or her overabundant supply of estrogen. A man’s anger and testosterone can do much to upset the balance of peace in a home. Some men live angry. Some men LIKE living angry and will tell you so—the adrenaline rush and all. On the other hand, some women relish in manipulative tears and hurt feelings. Some women couldn’t NOT manipulate to save their own lives. That’s a whole other post in itself.
For those of you who walk righteously while your husband lives life his own way? Take heart. Be patient. Be consistent.
“In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” (I Peter 3:1-2 NLT)
For those Blessed Moms and Blessed Dads who want to have peace in their homes, read my post, My Kids Come Third: A Blessed Mom’s Priorities. Those who want to raise truly happy children. Who are willing to set natures aside and live life abundantly.
There is an alternative…there is a better way.
We can use our God-given powers for good not evil. There was happiness in the Garden until the curse. With Christ, it’s as if there is no curse. My Richie & I can be as those creatures first created in Paradise.
Except this time, I am blessed with children.
This time, God dwells in me instead of walking beside me.
It is my daily choice to pick up the peace and leave the curse outside.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 is the new equivalent of counting to 10.
What are your thoughts? Let’s talk about it in the Comments below.